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To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door
" Nose height "
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does
not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. ; )
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
Dogs and cats can curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary
to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent
possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
There is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you
there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw,
whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try
to pull the door open.
I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the
bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is:
Kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot emphasize this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like a lot of people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college. And,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.