Not tonight !
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, but she eventually says,
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet
dreads to hear: "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a
woman, enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I took the day off of work to spend time with her. We
went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big department
I walked around with her while she tried on several
different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so
I told her we'd just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said let's get a
pair for each outfit. We then went on to the jewelry department where she
picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you---she was so excited!!
She must have thought that my elevator was no longer stopping on all the
floors. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a
tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I really threw her for a loop when I said,
"That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier".
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,
"No honey, I just don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man, enough for me
to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am, and not for the things I buy
Apparently I'm not having sex