This Message To
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We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you noticed that Stairs are getting steeper.
Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away.

Yesterday I walked to the corner
and I was dumbfounded to discover
how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now,
especially the young ones.
They speak in whispers all the time!
If you ask them to speak up
they just keep repeating themselves,
endlessly mouthing the same silent message
until they're red in the face!
What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was
at the same age.

On the other hand, people my own age
are so much older than I am.

I ran into an old friend the other day
and she has aged so much
that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning,
and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection........
even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days!
You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them...

All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast,
the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days.
Why else would they suddenly start labeling
a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20?

Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit
around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse.

Do they think I actually "believe"
the number I see on that dial?

HA! I would never let myself weigh that much!
Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority
to report what's going on,
but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too:
They've printed the phone books in such small type
that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning:

We are under attack!

Unless something drastic happens,
pretty soon everyone will have to suffer
these awful indignities.


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