THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL WRITTEN
BY A YOUNG STUDENT.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social
progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids,
but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I
want a divorce.... I know we tolerated each other for many years for the
sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on
what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can
smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure
our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide
other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep
You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our
firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you
can go with wind, solar and bio diesel.
You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie
We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers,
food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal
We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's
We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll
retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When
our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism,
political correctness and Shirley McClain.
You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be
paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized
You can take every Subaru station wagon you can
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any
We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and
not a right.
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the
I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute. Imagine, I'd
Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can
continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our
history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this?
If so, please share with other like minded
liberal and conservative patriots
and if you do not agree,
just hit delete.
In the spirit of friendly parting,
I'll bet you Answer which one of us will need
whose help in 15 years.
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen,
Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.
P. S. S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call